Season’s Grievings: How to Handle Signs of Decline in Older Loved Ones

The winter holidays are in full swing. For many of us, it is a time to gather with family or friends and engage in annual traditions, like serving special foods or enjoying seasonal activities.

Unfortunately, during the holidays, we might be near our parents or older family members more often and notice they are not doing well. We might find them forgetting appointments, eating poorly, disengaging from activities they used to enjoy, mixing up medications or demonstrating other behaviors that are concerning.

When these observations happens, we can react in different ways. Often, we go into fight, flight or freeze mode. In fight mode, we might confront our relative and try to get them to face the worrisome behaviors (which may result in resistance or conflict). In flight mode, we might avoid dealing with the situation at all, since it could make the holiday unpleasant. In freeze mode, we may find ourselves conflicted about what to do – and with so much to think about, we end up doing nothing.

Fortunately, there are some ways to start helping a struggling parent or loved one in more positive ways.  Here are a few tips:

• Take a deep breath. Acknowledge the difficulty of seeing someone you love experience hardship or decline. Allow yourself to experience whatever feelings come up: disappointment, frustration, sadness, grief or even anger.
• Practice acceptance. Work on making peace with the reality that things are different now for your loved one. Identify issues that are fixable and which aren’t; then let go of the items that are out of your control.
• Show compassion. Whether your loved one brought about their hardships or not, look for ways to support them without judgment. Actions from the past cannot be altered; those in the future can.
• Engage in dialogue. Before taking any concrete actions, have a talk with your mom, dad, or relative. Have they noticed they have been doing things differently? Your loved one may be very aware of changes and be relieved to have a conversation about it. If they are not, go back to step 3. Try to find a way to have a positive discussion about how to support their optimal health, safety and happiness.
• Do some research. See what options are available for the situation at play. Would it help to get meals delivered, caregiving visits, or a move to a community that provides care? Medicare covers many of these options, as does long-term care insurance or veteran benefits, which can help when making a decision.  

Assisted Living is one solution that often can offer the perfect blend of care, allowing older adults to live independently while still receiving support for the activities of daily living. If your loved one is in the Denver area, Kavod’s Assisted Living might be the perfect solution. We are open to calls, tours and questions – and will help guide you in the right direction.

In summary, the holidays can be a time of unexpected changes with older family members, but it doesn’t have to ruin your time together. By being proactive and following these tips, you can embrace the changes you encounter and continue to create memorable moments that will remain for years to come.